Are You Fucking Kidding Me?! Yep: Stephanie vs. Old Hag

Whew! I am back. What a GREAT week! I was hoping to kick back and tell you about my trip, however, since I spilled the beans via twitter, I figured most of you are dying to know what the hell happened today. Here goes.

It all started yesterday (seems like 10 years ago…) my brother asked if he could take Jared to the Trout Farm: it’s a small place where they have like 12 million fish in a ‘pond’ the size of a backyard swimming pool. Michael used to go there when he was a Jared’s age, the kids love it. I told him only if he could take ‘E’, Jared’s friend. ‘No problem’ he says (remember this!)

We hang out at the beach for a few hours and when we get back Mike brings up the fishing. OK, cool. I get the boys together but E acts like he’s not going.

Me: ‘What’s going on?’

Mike: ‘Well, I can’t afford BOTH of them’

Me: ‘Seriously!?! Then you shouldn’t have TOLD me you could take both of them. How much is it?’

Mike: ‘Like 5 or 6 bucks’

Me: Thought: (Really!? REALLY?! You can’t AFFORD 6 fucking dollars!? Cuz that didn’t seem like a problem when you were dropping $100 at the tables last night?! HHmmmm…..just saayyyyinnng)

Actually Said” ‘Whatever, here’s $5’

So away the 3 went. The others left in the house just kinda vegged out or napped while the high strung, ADHD boys were gone. It’s AMAZING how quiet and peaceful it was. *sigh*……

Oh yeah, so a couple of hours later, they return with Mike looking thoroughly pissed off and the kids cowering. What the hell?! Oh shit, Jared and Michael must have gotten into a fight, now *I’M* gonna have to hear ALL about it. Michael forgets that he is an adult and tends to stoop down to Jareds level and they piss each other off. Makes for some good family FUN! Yee-HAW!

After everyone settles down we hear the whole story. The boys had a great time fishing and everyone got along. Until….it came time to pay. Apparently my brother had used some cash to get gas before they got there. He was $5 short on the total (total: eleven WHOPPING dollars). He left his phone AND his debit card at the house. The lady got all pissy and so my brother offers to leave his license OR the CHILDREN while he runs to the house to grab more cash. The hag tells him, ‘Take your ID, leave the kids here’. My brother (who OBVIOUSLY does NOT have any children – and may NEVER have children since his girlfriend heard about this little incident) decided to go ahead and leave the children there!

The boys are both 11 and, I will admit, able to fend for themselves for the most part. They are NOT however, able to defend themselves against the RAGING PSHYCO HAG that replaced the run of the mill ‘pissy hag’ that Mike left the kids with.

In the 20 minutes that he was gone, she managed to scream at them to tie their shoes, threatened them that she was going to call the police and have them hauled off in handcuffs, and refused to let them use the phone when they asked. So they are telling us this story, and we are ALL getting pissed off. Micheal, in turn, with his thin-skinned sensitive self, takes our pissed-offness personally and thinks that the whole world is mad at HIM. Good chaotic fun – I know you are jealous.

By the time they were done with the story, I realize that the place is closed and decided to deal with it the next day.

Plan: Load up the car, grab a bite to eat, stop at Trout Farm on the way out of town. Get hag’s name, boss’ name, business licence # and inform the hag that what she did was out of line and advice her that I am filing a formal complaint against her AND the company. Head home.

What actually happened:

Got the first two steps down with no problems.

Pull up to the place, leave the children in the car (knowing full well I was going to have some choice words for the hag). The car is completely out of view of the office. I go up to the counter and look for the woman described by the boys: old, ugly face, huge wart, nasty feet, ugly, ugly, ugly.

Bingo! There she is!

Me: “Hi! Were you working last night? Were you the one who decided to keep children for ransom of $5?’

Hag: ‘Yeah – the guy said he was going to leave the kids here while he ran down to get the rest of the cash’

Me: ‘OK, well, I understand that you threatened to have them taken away in handcuffs and refused to let them use the phone. That is UNACCEPTABLE and I will NOT tolerate that behavior towards my children. Now, if you will please give me the contact info on your boss and the business licence #, I will be filing a complaint against you and your actions’

*there was quite a bit ‘I didn’t DO that! I didn’t SAY that!’ and back and forth between us. She absolutly REFUSED to give me ANY info that I requested. She DID however provide me with her name. ‘My name is Fucking Bitch’

Yep. She actually SAID that.

Me: *sigh* I know WHAT you are…but what is your damn NAME?!

She then told me to quit being a bitch and get the hell out of there.

Nope. I’m not going ANYWHERE until you give me the information that I am requesting.

Psycho hag turned completely Carrie and was full-on screaming for me to leave and that she was going to call the cops. The more psycho she go, the calmer I got. Which of course pissed the bitch off more.

She comes out of the office and gets right up to my face and continues screaming at me. Threatening to ‘call the cops’ and have me physically removed.

‘Please do! Please call the police so they can get there and force YOU to give me the basic public information that I deserve! Go ahead and call them! Quit threatening and DO IT!”

Naw…she apparently reverted back to her teen years of the 1890’s and got western on me and decided to take matters into her OWN hands by PUSHING ME, SHOVING ME, and PULLING ME away from her shack.

As soon as she put her hands on me, I actually said:

“Are you KIDDING ME!!?? Are you fucking SERIOUS right now?! Are you really, actually, physically TOUCHING ME?! What the hell is wrong with you?!’

Hag: screaming ‘Get the hell outta here! Leave!’

OMG! OMG! OMG! I have NEVER been in a physical altercation as an adult with a stranger before. The entire 10 seconds she was ‘pushing’ me, I kept thinking ‘This is not actually happening. Where is the hidden camera, this cannot be real!’ I also kept telling myself ‘Don’t touch her, do NOT touch her’, knowing that I was going to call the police and I did NOT want anything to come back on ME.

DSCN0566

The South Lake Tahoe PD showed up pretty quickly, Officer Cutie Pie..um…I mean Officer R. Liles took my statement and informed me of my right to file a citizens arrest. Called the altercation a ‘misdemeanor battery’. Yep, I want to file a citizens arrest, I will certainly drive the 3 hours each way to testify in court against this 5150.

15 minutes later, he comes back and tells me that HER statement is that she never touched me and it was ME that assaulted HER and she wanted ME arrested! Since there were no witnesses, the officer basically told me that what was going to happen was that he would have to ticket both of us and we would go before a judge in a couple of weeks and the case would be thrown out since it’s a ‘He said, she said’.

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Are you FUCKING kidding?! Seriously! I should’ve knocked the hags remained 2 teeth out! Here I was, holding back to do the right thing, and she fucking LIES and now the whole thing will be legally dropped! FUCK!

So, he gets the me the business info and I am going to follow up on THAT end tomorrow. I am also going to possibly go the route of a civil suit because I can’t stand that she’s going to get away with this shit! My poor kids don’t understand why mom got pushed and the woman got away with it. I explained to them that Karma’s a bitch and one day she’ll get hers.

You want to know what I hate the most right now? The ‘coulda, shoulda, woulda’s….I could’ve let her push me to the ground and break my arm. I should’ve had someone go with me (not knowing I was going to brawl with some backwoods snatch). There were sooooo many things I should’ve done – but it was all just so sureal that I don’t know how I even managed all that I did. AND after all of that drama, I had to drive three HOURS to finally make it home.

Here I am now, totally drained but glad to get it in writing. I apologize for the crappy writing – understand that I just threw this out there as quick as I could, but you hopefully get the gist of it. I am sure that those of you who will get to witness my story first hand will find it QUITE entertaining!

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9 Comments

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9 responses to “Are You Fucking Kidding Me?! Yep: Stephanie vs. Old Hag

  1. B squad peep

    That sounds like a great story but CAN NOT WAIT to see it in person and I do mean see it.. Well I am glad you are ok and try to enjoy the rest of your vacation..:-)

  2. Jolie

    I *cannot* wait to see the reenactment of this one!!

  3. whatsupwiththejoneses

    OMG! I was laughing through the whole thing until I got to “backwoods snatch” at which time I just spit soda on my own laptop! LMAO!! This is craziness!!
    I’m sorry the boys went thru this and that you had to get involved. Especially sorry to have this end your relaxing weekend, but OMG…this is humor. This is major humor. This crazy beeyotch needs to go back to her trailer park and chill. LOL! I wish you would’ve at least gotten in one good right to her toothless chops. 🙂

  4. Jessica

    Holy shit! What a mess, I cannot believe that crazy old nutter is going to get away with physically attacking you. Insanity. Too bad you didn’t get to bitch slap her at least once.

  5. Crap like this just pisses me off! Unbelievable!

  6. I seriously want to call the place today ask for Miss ‘Fucking Bitch’ – LMAO! Watch what you say about ‘toothless’ hag though – of course if I had gone with you #1. she would have related to me and thought I was ‘kin’ and #2 she NEVER would have gotten close enough to touch you! I turn psycho bitch if someone messes with my family – in fact that’s why I didn’t go with you, I was afraid I’d make more of a mess.

    • i cannot even imagine how furious you are. i would want to beat the shit out of that woman. and to put her hands on you??? Oh NO!!!!! NO WAY! i hope she gets hers.

  7. I’m really sorry your kids had to go through that, and also sorry you were put through that. But damn, I hope this ends up on Court TV somewhere. She’s clearly unbalanced.

  8. Yvette

    Sorry, the boys had to go through that bullshit – even more sorry you didn’t knock her the F@!% OUT! I would have LOVED to be on that little road trip with you – lol

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